A Conversation

At lunch today....

Zach: How you doing, buddy?

Spike: I have a stinky diaper.

Zach: Should we change your pants?

Spike: No thank you. I'm still working on it.


I think somebody's getting a new potty for Christmas.

Not what we wanted to hear

For those of you just tuning in, we found out during my pregnancy with Anders that he has a benign tumor in his right lung called a CCAM. During the pregnancy, we watched it grow and then we watched it shrink. For the first time in many months, we have new information to share about Ando-Baby's CCAM, and I wish it were different.

Anders had a follow-up chest x-ray about a month ago, and shortly thereafter we heard back from our regular pediatrician, to whom the report had been sent. She told us that the radiologist called the tumor "more pronounced" but had no other information for us. She suggested we follow up with a pediatric surgeon. The surgeon we had been consulting with throughout my pregnancy, Dr. Jona, has since retired and referred us downtown to Children's Memorial Hospital. When Anders was only two weeks, Dr. Jona had said that the CCAM was the size of a pea and that it would continue to shrink until you couldn't even see it on x-ray. So when we were definitely not prepared for "more pronounced."

We consulted with Dr. Madonna at Children's Memorial on Thursday afternoon. When we asked her if it had grown, she said, "We think so. It's hard to tell because he's grown and because the irregularity is hard to discern on x-ray." I asked her how big it is now and she held up her hands to make a circle about the size of Isaac's fist. I was shocked. "The CCAM is that big?" I asked. She said that if a CCAM can be seen on an x-ray after the baby is born then it will continue to grow, which is the opposite of what every other doctor had told us throughout my pregnancy.

Also possibly of concern is that both the nurse practitioner and the surgeon heard a heart murmur in Anders's chest. Our pediatrician has never heard one, and we had a normal echo-cardiogram when he was in utero, so it's probably not a big deal, but on top of every thing else, it was once again not what we wanted to hear.

Surprisingly, they seemed in no rush to do the surgery. Dr. Jona had suggested waiting until Anders was older than one year. Dr. Madonna prefers to do the surgery earlier, but when we told her our original plan of having it done during my summer off of work (he would be about 16 months old), she was quick to endorse that timeline. He will be in the hospital for three days and will recover quickly, within a week, they said. We feel like even if Dr. Madonna feels comfortable waiting, we just want his foreign object out of our baby! We will, of course, prioritize his health and the least possible risk to him over our work schedules! So we're trying to figure out when to do it.

I was in such shock when we left. I think my first emotions were of anger at all the doctors for the different stories we're getting and for the sometimes nonchalant way they deliver drastic news. This was the first time we had even talked about the CCAM in many months, and it feels like a whole new ball game when you're holding the baby--your baby, who has a name, a face, personality, a place in your family--in your arms rather than the sort of "potential" baby in your womb. This is my Anders you're talking about.

The good news is that everyone agrees that the surgery holds little risk for Anders and is very effective.

Please pray for us. We need wisdom, peace, and good doctors most of all. We'll keep you updated.

Dedicated

On Sunday, we stood up in church to dedicate Anders to God, our denomination's version of baby baptism. Then we had family and a few friends over to celebrate. Unfortunately our church recently changed the way they do baby dedications and I was disappointed with the service--it was quick and in bulk. But the personal sentiment is the same, and we still think it was a day to celebrate.

(I'll try to post more reflection on the day later, but for now, here are some pics.)

One of my best childhood friends, Andrea, and her husband, Tom, are Ando's godparents. Here's my boys with hers after their slumber party and before getting dressed for church.

My Grandma Julie and Grandpa Jerry made the trip down from GR to be with their fourth great-grand baby on his special day.

Here we are on stage saying a few words about what it means to us to dedicate our boy.

Praying for Ando and for us as his parents

Of course our little goddaughter Eva came too

and Zach's brother, Uncle Joshy

Andrea and Tom and their godson

playing "pass the babies" in our living room

We love you, Anders Timothy!

Halloween

We had an amazing first Halloween in our new house. Isaac was at the perfect age--it was all novel and AWESOME to him! He was pretty wide-eyed all day.

I explained the whole deal to him about a week before and then each time we asked him what he was going to do on Halloween, we got different answers: "I'm going to get candy from Mr. Bill!" (that's our neighbor) or "I'm going to get M-a-M's from Grandpa Tim!" or something similarly specific.

Isaac was technically High King Peter from The Chronicles of Narnia and Anders was Aslan, but Isaac doesn't know that story, so he just knew he was a "knight in shining armor." His costume was courtesy of Miss Bethy. Her boys wore it back when they came to our Halloween party as the Renaissance family--so cute.

Miss Bethy's family joined us and my parents, Zach's parents, and my grandparents were also in town for Anders's dedication at church the next day. It was quite a party. After trick-or-treating down the street and back, we all sat down to an awesome dinner provided mostly by Granini and then had a fire in the front yard from which we passed out candy to the far too old and under-costumed trick-or-treaters.

can you even stand how cute they are!?

Spike, Thor, and their honorary sister and brothers, Miss Bethy's kids

Mom and Dad are smiling because they know what's coming.
Spike's smile will come later.

First stop, Mr. Bill and Miss Mimi's house next door.

Counting the spoils

Little knight

catching up

perfect s'mores weather

a few minutes pre-bedtime

Isaac stayed up late running around the front yard yelling, "Surrender the booty!" which my charming father taught him to say. A bunch of neighbors stopped by to chat by the fire, and Frank (the self-proclaimed neighborhood historian) even stayed for a drink...or three. We love our neighborhood and were so glad to be able to spend this fun holiday with friends and family.

Pumpkin Farm

Last weekend we finally got our butts moving early enough on a Saturday to make it to a pumpkin farm (or "pumpkin pharmacist" as Isaac called it). Izey's godparents Peter and Lizzy and our goddaughter Eva came with us, too.It probably wasn't as much fun for Anders, but at least he was warm.

Zach was more entertained by me riding the tractors than Isaac was.

Playing in the "corn box"
What's even funnier than the pictures we try to get of the three kids together is how we adults act when trying to get all of them to look at us and smile.

We stayed way past nap time just to take advantage of the tractor train pulled by Farmer Adam. It went all around the farm, through barns and even a tunnel. Isaac was thrilled.

staying cozy

New Izeyisms

Isaac has a spaceship night light, which he plays with when he's supposed to be sleeping. The other day he had something else that needed to be plugged into an outlet, and he asked where there was a "spaceship spot" that he could plug it into.

One morning when I went to get him up, Spike told me, "I'm so happy that you're here!"

One afternoon when Isaac was supposed to be napping, I came in to find his hands covered with diaper rash cream. I said, "Isaac, that is not to play with."
He said, "I shouldn't play with butt paste."
I said, "That's right. No playing with butt paste."
He said, "Momma plays with butt paste!"
Not usually, buddy.

Zach and I say the "Now I Lay Me" prayer with Izey. Recently, even though the boys no longer share a room, if we say the prayer above a whisper, he says, "No! Quiet guys! Baby Anders is sleeping!"

Last night as we tucked Isaac in, we were saying our usual I love yous and sleep goods and Isaac turned his back to us and said, "You guys go out the door now."

In the car, Spike was telling us why he wears each item of clothing: "...and I wear the tee shirt so I not be cold, and I wear the sweatshirt so I not be naked, and I wear the pants so I not be naked, and I wear the socks so I not be naked, and I wear the shoes so I not be naked."
In a similar narrative style, Isaac explained what he was doing as he lined up his toys one afternoon: "The big brother puts this here, and the big brother puts this here, and the big brother puts this here..."

The kid can break my heart too. Last week he had a hard time each morning when I left for work. One day I dropped him off at Miss Bethy's and he tried everything to get me to stay. He parked himself in my lap and said, "Momma, nurse baby Anders."
"Anders isn't hungry right now, honey."
"Momma, just hold me for a little bit."
"Okay, honey, I'll give you a big hug and a big kiss and then it's time to go."
"Miss Bethy, do you want momma to stay?"
That morning I had to leave while he cried, which simply sucks. Thankfully this week was much better.
Ever since his baby brother started smiling at him, Isaac asks anyone he meets, "Do you wanna smile at me?" Sometimes if I'm mad at him, he'll try to charm his way out of it. "Momma, do you wanna smile at me?"

I think because Miss Bethy calls Anders a "grumpy gus" when he's fussy, and because Isaac likes watching Cinderella, his latest nickname for Ando is "Gus-gus." He can always get Anders to smile with his silly, "Gus-gus! Gus-gus! Do you wanna smile at me?"

He's a funny kid!

6...er...7 1/2 Month Check Up

As I left Ando's 4 month check up, I stopped by the receptionist's desk to schedule his 6 month appointment. She paged through the calendar and said, "Okay, that will be...August 28."

"Um, I'm going to have to get back to you." You may recall that that was a fairly busy week for us. We had just gotten home from vacation, I started work, and we moved.

Thus, Anders only just had his 6 month check up today. He's 7 1/2 months old. Poor second child/son of a working mom. His daddy took him in. Ando had to get four shots. See his band-aids on his chubby thighs?Anyway, the doctor's diagnosis is that he's perfect. He's weighs 20 pounds, 3 ounces and is 2'4" tall. That's a perfect 75th percentile all around. Hey, we have a normal sized baby!

Other milestones: Anders just got two teeth at the same time a few days ago. If you look really closely at the first picture, you can see them. He's also trying really hard to crawl. He lunges forward from his bum and ends up on his belly, where he can pull himself in a circle with his arms. Sometimes he makes a bit of forward progress but he's not yet using his legs. You can see how badly he wants to be able to move himself.

Anders is babbling more and more, and saying cute syllables like "dadada" and "nanana." He's also figured out that screaming is both fun AND gets our attention if we've been busy with other stuff for too long.

He's also trying to pull himself up to standing, which is shown in the video below. It's funny because he doesn't use his legs to stand up yet, either, so he just ends up getting stuck with his arms above his head all the time.

My personal favorite milestone happened just last night. Anders has never really slept through the night, and I wasn't pushing it with "sleep training" the way I did with Isaac. But last night we put him to bed at 7:30, I nursed him at 9:30, and then he slept until 8:00 the next morning! It was FANTASTIC! I woke up a few times just enough to think, "Hmm, Anders hasn't woken up yet." Then when Zach brought him to me at 8:00, I was like, "SWEET!" So here's hoping that happens again.

Anders is at my absolute favorite baby age right now. He can sit up and play on his own, but he can't crawl yet. He's such a sweetheart. He is a very snuggly baby. He loves to bury his face in my shoulder or chest and he grabs my face to mush his own face against it, kind of his own version of a kiss. He's very attached to a blankie that I crocheted for him, and it's hilarious because apparently I didn't do a very good job on it. It has probably ten big holes in it, so when we get him up from naps he's got his arms and legs stuck through the holes. I tried to fix it, but I think the yarn is too soft and slippery to hold up to his blankie lovin'. He's much more attached to it then even Isaac was with "cold blankie" at this age, but he doesn't really love the mimi the way his brother did.

When we first moved into our new house, we had the boys sharing a room so that we could have an office and a guest room, but then we had a lot of problems with Isaac's sleep and he was waking up Anders, so we moved Anders out. Now they each have their own rooms, and I am truly loving it. I get to have special quiet bedtimes with Anders the way I did with Isaac--singing him songs, quietly nursing and rocking him to sleep. We're so blessed in our new house!

I think I'd like to push pause and keep Anders just like this for a little while.

Jammie Time

We had to get a few pics of our guys in their new cozy jammies.

being goofy

Momma's little one

"I want Elmo REAL BAD!"

Snuggling with Momma

Sick Day

The whole fam is staying home sick today. The boys and I stayed home sick on Friday, too, and today Daddy's joining us in our misery. We had a nice, quiet weekend of moping around the house in our jammies. Despite coughing like barking seals and noses running like faucets, it was good to pause life for a bit.

Staying home also means I have a few moments to blog! These videos are well worth taking a break from wiping noses and administering cough syrup to post! They were taken during one of our after-work "jam sessions." We think Isaac has real potential as a percussionist. He certainly takes the job seriously!

Zach's New Title

After watching an episode of "Special Agent Oso" online, Spike was being naughty and got a time out from his daddy. As Daddy put him in the time out room, Spike cried pitifully, "NO! I don't want to, Special Agent Daddy!"

Working Mom

Work is good but hard. I have forced myself to stop contemplating whether I made the right decision because I was just driving myself nuts. Instead I'm focusing on making it work for us for now. I can re-evaluate at an appropriate time, but that time is not now.

So for now, I am desperately seeking balance, but mostly I'm feeling guilty. I feel guilty that I'm not giving more to my work AND guilty that I'm not giving more to my boys. Super great life motivators, right?

My students are amazing. I have two college prep classes and one honors class. The CP classes include a range of ability- and motivation-levels, and the honors class is filled with amazingly advanced writers and thinkers. The girls are very privileged but incredibly sweet and polite! They seriously ALL say "thank you" when they leave my class EVERY DAY. Amazing.

The boys are doing okay. They love "Miss Bethy" and her family and have no problems going there each day. I guess Anders is pretty high-maintenance there, and Beth has to hold him a lot of the time. That's very different from how he is at home. But he eats and sleeps well there and smiles when he sees Beth each day.

Isaac is having a harder time at home, though. I'm not sure if he's just a two year old who needs to be taught not to whine and cry and scream when things don't go his way, or if all these changes are causing him to lose it more often, or if it's a combination of everything. Probably the latter. He's super clingy to me and not going to bed well and crying at the drop of a hat. And, yes, it totally adds to my guilt.

I now completely understand some of the parenting books that I read, you know, back when I had time to read parenting books. They discuss parents who give in to their children or are not consistent with them because they feel guilty for leaving them during the day. I have a hard time knowing what to do when Isaac is crying at my feet "hold me, Momma!" one hundred times a day. On the one hand, I want to scoop him up and baby him and give him whatever he asks for. On the other hand, sometimes I'm busy with his brother or cooking or whatever and I need him to wait a minute without melting down. On the one hand, when he wanders into our bedroom in the middle of the night I want to snuggle him back to sleep in my arms. On the other hand, I don't need another small boy waking me up for a third, fourth, fifth time each night. So we're figuring it out.

The good thing about our new over-full routine is that the evenings with the boys are usually quality. We get home and we play, play, play. I'm always happy to see them and long to cover them with lovin'. After playing, we all have dinner together in our actual dining room with two high chairs at the table. Then we sing (our house has great acoustics) or chase or dance to Isaac's favorites: the Dirty Dancing soundtrack or the Blues Brothers soundtrack :) Then it's bath time and bed time.

It certainly feels good to be back in the classroom wearing my professional persona. I'm happy that my wardrobe has expanded beyond flip-flops and tee shirts and that my conversations have extended beyond, "Look, Momma, a stick! and a rock!" But I still feel like a Mom first and foremost, and I don't think teaching will ever be the same as it was before motherhood.

I Miss You!

I miss blogging SO MUCH!

Really and truly, I barely have time to breathe these days. I know you want to see pictures of the house, but it is in no state to be photographed. I promise I'll get some up soon!

In the meantime, it's been awhile since I posted about...well, anything. But I am feeling particularly sad that I haven't posted about Thor. My Little One is 6 months old and just about the sweetest thing in the universe. Anders is such a snuggle bug these days and it's so hard for me to leave him for work. Just look at this face!

I love it.

I had my students write down one thing that they would like me to know about them. Here is my favorite response:

"I have ADD and I love it."

Go ahead, girl.

A Grand Entrance

I am totally humilitated.

I started work this week...more on that later...but today was the first day with students. Since I'm part-time, I usually don't have to be here until 10:30, but today there was an opening prayer service that I wanted to be a part of at 8:30. That meant that I had to drop the boys off at Beth's and be on the road to school by 7:30. I haven't been out of the house that early in a long time. I didn't realize when I planned my time that it was raining pretty hard, and there were accidents and big puddles all over the highways, making traffic pretty bad. Needless to say, I ended up being about 5 minutes late.

At Harper, being 5 minutes late for a scheulded assembly meant you were actually about 30 minutes early. Not so at my new school. The schedule also said that the teachers would sit in the "sanctuary," which I took to mean we'd be where the congregation would sit, perhaps in the back. Not so either.

When I got to the chapel the staff was assembled on the stage facing the students. Shit. I was so mortified that I was late and wasn't sure whether I should go in or just wait in the wings. Another very sweet teacher saw me standing in the side entrance to the stage and waved me on, so, with my face beat red, I shuffled past the teachers in the back row to the only empty seat.

And then I fell. Hard. The girls in the pews gasped. There was a big kerfluffle as everyone asked if I was okay. My knees were throbbing (and still are) but I got up and parked my humiliated butt in the chair with a smile on my face. I laughed a little and tried desparately not to cry. I cannot believe THIS is the first impression I've made on my students and fellow faculty. UGH!

Everyone was very sweet about it, asking me if I was okay and laughing with me about my "grand entrance." At Harper, the students would have been laughing their asses off at me, but the girls I met so far on my way back to my classroom were adorable, telling me no one noticed and I handled it with grace. I think I'm gonna like this place.

Time to go make copies. I've got my "teacher identity" on.

A Few Dramatic Minutes

As I prepared to take advantage of one of my last days as a stay-at-home-mom this morning, I turned on Sesame Street for Isaac. I was packing up for the beach. Anders had just woken up from a nice long nap and was well fed, so I laid him on the living room floor while I went to fetch his car seat from the hall of our building. Isaac followed me out...and closed the door behind him. As soon as I heard the door bang, I FREAKED. Yes, it was locked with the baby inside.

I ran to the backdoor--locked. I checked the windows--closed. I grabbed Isaac and ran up to my neighbor's house to borrow their phone. I don't even have Zach's cell phone number or work number memorized! I called my mom, who usually would never answer her phone on a Tuesday, and she answered. I told her my situation and asked her to call Zach, give him my neighbor's number, and have him call me. She said, "Okay, what's his number?" (Um, Mom, if I knew, I'd be calling HIM!)

I left Isaac with my neighbor, but he started crying so they came down with him. Zach called me back. I cried to him, "I'm locked out and Anders is inside!" and he borrowed his buddy's car to come to the rescue. It takes him 20 minutes to get home. Anders, all the while, was happily watching Sesame Street.

My neighbor starting trying to break in using a credit card, and I went to double check the windows. I found one window unlocked. I've tried unsuccessfully to open the unlocked but closed windows in the past. Never have I had such incentive to get in, though! We have the kind of windows that tilt in for cleaning purposes, and one happened to be a little lose. As I was jiggling the window around, it pushed in on one side and I was able to push the top window down. The cars and people passing by were probably laughing at this hysterical woman in a dress climbing barefoot through the garden and scrambling through the top of the window.

I ran in and startled Anders, who had no idea he should be at all concerned. I opened the door and let Isaac back in; he was sharing his snack with the neighbor's kids and asking, "What I did do?" I called Zach and he turned around to head back to work. My heart beat returned to its normal pace.

So then I went to the beach. :)

I Can't Help Myself

Super Thor "chasing" Spike

I should really be writing my paper. (My LAST paper of grad school EVER!) But my boys are so stinkin' cute, I had to post!

When we came home from church today, I was taking Anders out of the carseat and chatting to him...

Me: Hi Baby! How's my sweet boy?
Spike: [tickling Thor's chin and cheeks as I unbuckled him] Hey Chunky Munchkin! What chu doin'? Are you sittin' in the carseat? Chunky Munchkin, are you sittin' in the carseat?

The best part about Isaac's little nickname for his brother is that neither Zach nor I have ever called either of the boys "chunky munchkin." He cracks me up!

mimi faces

As you can see in the picture above, Isaac is always trying to hold Anders's hand. He'll say, "Baby Anders is tryin' to hold my hand," as Anders squirms away and whines. Um, I don't think so buddy, but nice try.

In other news, we found child care! Our friend from church, Beth, has three kids and her youngest is starting preschool this fall. She has already been watching the boys one day a week so I can do homework and she's so fabulous. My guys are always happy, well fed, and well rested when I pick them up, plus she gives me stuff like homemade banana bread every time I see her. :) She loves our guys, is super easy-going, and lives five minutes away. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! Thank you, Jesus!

Isaac's self-portrait in the car

While I'm at it, here's an update on Ando-baby: he's starting to sit up on his own for several seconds at a time, and unfortunately is developing a wicked case of stranger-anxiety. (Good timing as I go back to work, huh?) I always feel so bad when my baby looks at another person's face and starts screaming in terror! Here's a little video (sorry it's with our old camera) of him blowing bubbles. Maybe not the most interesting to the audience at large, but I know I'll look back on this when he's all grown up and cherish it!

Next time I'm trying to procrastinate, I'll get videos of Isaac singing "Father I Adore You" and saying the full names of all his family members--his newest fascination. Until then...

HOLY CRAP

I got a job. And suddenly the next month is the most insane month of our lives.

In 5 days I'll finish my last class in my master's program. In 8 days we leave for Maine with my entire family. That vacation overlaps with the staff training for my new job, which I'll have to miss, and then when we get back I immediately start work for the first time in over two years. One week later we move. Oh, and somewhere amidst all of this I have to find quality childcare for my precious boys and hopefully enjoy a little of my last days as a stay-at-home-mom.

Someone hand me a paper bag. If I don't vomit in it, maybe it'll help me breathe through my nervous breakdown.

I want so badly to process all of my emotions about going back to work through writing and post them here for all the world to see, but suddenly I'm going to be working amongst students who are technologically savvy, unlike my former students, and who might "google" me and find this blog. So rather than writing, I'm sure I'll be verbally spilling my guts to any poor soul who innocently asks me how I'm doing. Beware.

What I will tell you is that I'm going to be teaching three world literature classes five days a week to sophomores at a prestigious all girls school, which couldn't really be more different than my previous experience. I'm thrilled and nervous and proud.

I'm thinking blogging is going to be taking a backseat to all these new transitions, but I hope to get back on the bandwagon once I settle into a routine. Until then, wish me luck!

It's Just You and Me, Kid

When we came home from Minnesota on Sunday evening, we were minus one kid. Izey gets to stay at his Grandpa Dave and Granini's house all week! And I get lots-o-snuggle time with my little one.

Life without Isaac is quiet. My house is infinitely easier to keep clean without a 2 year old tornado following behind me. Going for a run is much smoother without having to answer, "I wanna go to the playlot!" with "We're going all the way around the park first!" 100 times. Running errands is suddenly a piece of cake, I get to sleep in later, and yesterday I read King Lear aloud to Anders rather than Is Your Mama a Llama?, which Isaac prefers.

But I miss him like crazy! Isaac spent the fourth of July weekend with my parents earlier this summer, but I had Zach home with me and we relished the time together. Now it's just me and Ando, plus Zach has to work late a lot this week to finish a project. I'm remembering the loneliness that I experienced being home with just Isaac when he was wee. I realize now that Isaac is really fun company. He's so funny, loving, and sweet, not to mention he's free entertainment for his little brother!

I'm happy Spike gets this time with his Minnesota family and I'm looking forward to getting a lot done this week in terms of homework and packing. But Friday is not going to come soon enough, and I can't wait to get my arms back around that chubby, cuddly, little big boy.

****************

In the meantime, though, Anders has turned into ANGEL BABY! This is seriously unbelievable. I've been trying for weeks now to put him down for his nap while he's still awake to see if he'll go to sleep on his own. Usually I have to go back in, pat his butt, give him his mimi, etc, and often I just end up nursing him to sleep anyway because nothing else works. Suddenly yesterday he did it perfectly, without me needing to come back in to comfort him even once. This has now happened five times in a row, for both naps and bedtime! He also slept more last night than he ever has before--from 8pm to 12:30, when I nursed him, and then from 1am to 8am! Crazy! I feel so well rested today. Here's hoping this is a trend that continues!

Can I Stay Here Forever?

Zach and I drove the boys to Minnesota Friday night, which was quite the adventure.  Anders was tired and apparently hungry and not happy about being in the car seat.  I squeezed between the carseats in the back and was singing songs to try to distract the boys from their misery.  

Anders was finally quieting down and I had been singing "Father I adore you, and I lay my life before you..." I had gone on to another song.  Isaac turned to me and sweetly asked, "Momma wanna hold you and sing the life song again?"  So I put my arm around him and sang "Father I adore you" again.  

Oh, it gets better.  

Then he turned to me, reached up, and started caressing my face and hair.  

And then I melted like a pad of butter on a warm plate.  

My Definition of Disaster

Having a small condo means that when you have even a few things out of place, it feels like a disaster area.  Having small boys means that more than a few things are usually out of place.  

One morning I went to get groceries, and when I came home it was lunch and then nap time.  I had to try to keep Ando happy, feed Isaac lunch, bring groceries in from the car and also put them away all, and get both boys down for naps within about 30 minutes.  Of course, the condo was already messy just from me trying to get everybody out of the house that morning, so by the time the boys were asleep, my home was definitely a disaster.  I decided to take before and after pictures just to motivate myself to clean everything up quickly.  

Can you believe what a slob I am!?

whew.  much better.  

Lest you think he's perfect...

When my friend Andrea said Anders must be just a perfect, easy baby, I realized I hadn't written much about him.

It's been pretty dang busy around here lately. Between trips to see family, plays to read and papers to write for my class, big and little diapers to change, job applications to fill out and send in, and all that comes with buying a new house, blogging has taken a back seat. I'm actually ahead on my homework, errands, and job application stuff, so I finally have time to update y'all on my littlest man.

Anders's biggest milestones are learning to fall asleep on his own (once in awhile), rolling over a couple of times, and eating his first rice cereal. You can tell he's the second kid, 'cause Izey got individual posts for each of those occasions. He's also just generally getting more coordinated, interactive, and fun!Unfortunately, instead of sleeping for longer and longer stretches at night, he's waking up more and more. Ugh. He usually goes to bed later than Isaac and goes back to sleep after Isaac wakes him up in the morning. So his night sleep hours (which are interrupted SEVERAL times) are from about 9 to 9. I nurse Ando in bed in the morning and then keep him there instead of putting him back in his crib. If you know me at all, you know I am possibly the crabbiest person alive before I shower, eat breakfast, and drink some coffee, so It's nice to have easy mornings with Isaac while Anders sleeps in.

He generally takes two or three naps in the daytime, and the first one is almost always in his carseat/stroller while Isaac and I are on the go.

Spike and Thor are getting along splendidly these days. Isaac is always saying, "Baby Anders wanna smile at me?" and then making funny faces until Anders does. We also fly Anders around to "chase" Isaac, who thinks it's hysterical. Ando is a good sport about it. They'll sometimes just sit and crack up at each other for no other reason than it's fun to laugh.A lot of people ask for updates on his CCAM (the tumor in his lung--did you forget all about it? We often do!). There really isn't anything to tell. We'll get another chest x-ray when he's about 6 months old (he's almost 5 months now), and it'll probably be surgically removed next summer.

A few weeks ago I had a bit of a "mommy milestone" when I realized that I can barely remember what life was like without Anders. When I think of memories that happened before Ando was born, it seems like something is missing. He's certainly a joyful addition to our little family.

This is the Day

Big Boy Bed Victories!

We're making progress, people!

If there's one thing I've learned about raising babies, it's that "This too shall pass." They go through so many phases, and just when you think you can't take it any more, it's over. Sometimes they just grow out of it, and sometimes you get creative or smarter out of desperation.

Here's what we changed about Isaac's bed and nap times that has helped:

1. We make his room as dark as possible. When he first started requesting that we leave his closet light on, I thought, "Aw, he's scared." But then one night a light bulb above my head illuminated when I came in to him happily playing by the light of the closet. Duh. He just wants to be able to see his toys and books! We also have to turn off the hall light because he'll curl up behind his door with a few good books and read by the light coming through the crack! No light means no reading or playing, and a dark room means a boring room.

2. We started tying his closet door closed with a ribbon. This tactic also contributes to a boring room--there are toys in his closet.

3. We give him 10 minutes of quiet reading time with the light on before we tuck him in. This is the most important of the changes we made. First we read him a couple of books in his bed, then we leave those books for him to look at for a good 10 minutes, then we come back to say prayers and turn out the light. I usually leave one book next to him, but I don't think he looks at it. Those 10 minutes are enough to calm him down and get him in the mood to sleep.

4. And of course, Isaac now knows that he can't get out of his room. I was nervous about putting doorknob covers on the doors because I didn't want to traumatize him, but he doesn't seem too concerned about his inability to get out. Perhaps it's because he only knew how to open the door for a few days before we took away his ability again. Either way, he no longer even tries the handle. He just stays happily put. Phew.

Someone once told me that getting your kids to go to sleep and stay asleep is a puzzle that changes at each new age and stage. It's encouraging to me to remember that new challenges are going to crop up--that's just what raising kids is about--but that we'll figure them out and get past them! The puzzle metaphor is helpful because it implies that there is a solution if you just get creative or smart enough.

So we've won the battle...but I'm sure the sleep war is not over yet.

Home Sweet Home

On August 31, the boys and I will be moving out of our four room condo into a three floor, four bedroom, two full bathroom, brick bungalow with a huge deck, big yard (by Chicago standards), and two car garage!

I can't sleep 'cause I keep imagining where I'm going to put our furniture, remembering all the goodies that are in storage that I get to get out, designing landscaping, choosing paint colors, planning a kickin' housewarming party, and making a mental list of all the stuff we'll need to fill ALL THAT SPACE!

Oh yeah, and worrying about the new gaping hole in our monthly budget....

but mostly I'm thanking God for once again blessing us above our expectations or imaginations.

Giddy Nervous

I do not know what to do with myself.

We just saw our dream house. An unbelievable deal that just went on the market yesterday. It's priced too low and everybody knows it. We were the first people to see it, but there are four more showings in the next 24 hours.

We're putting in an offer for asking price tonight. We can't afford to go much higher than that, so we're praying that they'll accept it before they get other offers (or perhaps that no one else will make an offer!).

Please pray with us! As we Michiganders say, "I'm geekin' out!"

A Conversation

On Zach's work-from-home day...

Spike: [whine, whine, whine]

Zach: What's wrong, buddy?

Spike: [whine, whine, whine]

Zach: Can you please stop whining and talk to me?

Spike: [whine, whine, whine]

Zach: Can you tell Baa what's wrong?

Spike: (to Baa) Baa, are you frustrated 'cause Daddy's workin' on his computer?

Zach happily puts down the computer to play with Spike.
We wouldn't want him to be frustrated!

Groping in the Dark

I recently uploaded a cover letter, resume, four letters of recommendation, my college transcripts--both graduate and undergrad, my teaching license, and a very extensive application to a nearby high school's website.

I just hung up after a curt reply from HR, "The position has been filled."

ARG! This whole process is so frustrating! I feel like I'm completely groping around in the dark--I have no idea what the likelihood is that I'll ever hear from these places again. I had gotten my hopes up about this one. It seemed like I would be a perfect fit, but I'll just hang on to the hope that God has something better in store for me. I just wish I believed that in this moment.

Zerberts

Father's Day Gift

My Momela wanted to get all her grandkids together for a photo, and a Wednesday was the best day for everyone to do so. Since Zach wasn't there, I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to have a pic taken as a father's day gift for him. Here's a few of my favorites from the day.

Snuggle Buggle

New fav

Funny face

Alone time
(big bro was sleeping)

SOLD!

"I think we prayed these buyers into existence."

That's what our realtor said right before she told me their offer...which was...(drum roll please)....our ASKING PRICE! Can I get a "Woo Hoo!"? (Okay, so our asking price was down to $8,000 less than what we owe on our mortgage, but we're not dwelling on that. We're still excited!)

I seriously see God's hand all over this deal. We had the second showing for the young couple on last Wednesday. They liked it a lot and after they left my neighbor, Ingrid, knocked on our door. She said she had a friend who she's been talking to about our place for months, and the friend happened to be over. She wondered if she could come look at it. I said sure, it was all cleaned up from the first showing that day.

The lady really liked it, but I thought no way would she be seriously interested. She's getting a divorce and still has a house that I thought would have to sell before she could buy something.

But then our realtor called and the lady wanted to see our place again with her husband (weird, since they're getting a divorce). Ingrid said the divorce is amicable and the husband is going to help her get on her feet for their separation.

Friday morning we got a very low offer from the young couple. Bittersweet. Then the divorcing couple came to see it at noon. They wanted to offer $500 more than whatever the other people offered, but our realtor told them she couldn't tell them what the other offer was. So they said they'd meet her at her office with their best offer at 1:00.

By 2:00, Maggie called me to say these buyers had dropped out of heaven and that we prayed them into existence. They were offering asking price in cash--no contingencies. We close on August 31! We're buying Ingrid a nice gift!

We are so shocked. After so many months, we were cynical and bitter, but as soon as nothing could sell this place but God, He did. Thank you so much for praying, everybody. You truly made the difference.

We've been driving around looking at properties. We went to one open house so far, we're going to see a place today, and tomorrow I'm going to see a whole bunch. I can't WAIT to move!

Big Boy Bed Battles

When we were ready to fight the Big Boy Bed Battle once more, I picked out some fun pirate bedding that I thought would get Izey excited. We talked it up for weeks before we made the plunge, stressing all the great things that Big Boys get to do that babies can't do. Last time I was in Michigan with the boys, Daddy set up the pirate bed and raised the crib mattress again for baby use. When we got home, we all ran into the boys' room to see the new digs. Isaac was excited, but told us, "Izey no yike pirate pill." Apparently the pirates on the pillow are scary. So we skipped the pillow. The first couple weeks were a breeze. He stayed in it. He liked it. No problemo.

Then one night Isaac got scared. Suddenly it was "too dark" and we had to keep the closet light on. He totally freaked one night when Jake was babysitting and must've had a bad dream. He started getting up and jiggling the door handle when we'd put him to bed and at all hours of the night. And then one time, suddenly, the door opened.

Before about one week ago, Isaac did not know how to open doors. We never let him try very long because we didn't want him to figure it out! We keep the bathroom and our bedroom door closed so that he and our things are safe. But there it was, Isaac learned how to open his bedroom door.

All of the sudden the big boy bed was a battle once again. We put him back in, we bribed him to stay, we held the door closed, etc. etc. It was taking us hours to get him to go to sleep for both naps and bedtimes. On our anniversary we went out to dinner and came home close to ten o'clock to find Isaac still playing door peek-a-boo with the babysitter. His bedtime is 7:30!

Finally we got some door handle covers and told him, "Isaac, we put this cover on the door handle now, so you're not going to be able to open it." That night after we tucked him and closed the door we heard his little feet padding over to the door and then jiggle jiggle jiggle, followed by a WAIL! We let him cry for 5 minutes (I thought we were past "crying it out" with him!) and then tucked him back in bed. That night he stayed.

That was about three days ago. Since then, he doesn't cry when we close his door, and he no longer tries to open it. Bedtimes have gone quite well. However, today I put him down for his nap around 1:00pm. Now it is 3:14. He is still up. He did the same thing yesterday-- contentedly messing up his room for two hours all by himself. Yesterday he eventually fell asleep. I'm not sure it's going to happen today. I have gone in a couple of times to check on him and tuck him back in, but I'm convinced every time I go in, I give him fresh hope that I'll come back again soon and he doesn't have to sleep.

Every time I hear him banging around in there I feel anger welling up. I have no idea how to get him to stay. A couple of times offering him a "special treat" if he stays in his bed has worked, but apparently he's not that interested today. There are pros to this situation: he's perfectly happy and I get a chance to blog. Yesterday I cleaned for the four hours he was in there. But I'm not about to be stuck in my house all afternoon, all summer long.

I am really not willing to give up nap time. Isaac still needs it, bad. One day he didn't take one (I think it may have been the first day ever that he didn't nap at all) and he was just a wreck. Oh, and let's not forget, I need it too!

We'll come up with something...we always do. These difficult phases feel like they're lasting forever when you're in them and they always seem to be solved by the simplest, silliest thing. Anybody have any idea what that thing might be???


***UPDATE*** After I finished this post, I peeked under Isaac's door to see if I could see little feet on the floor. Instead, my view was blocked by "cole blankie" which is what Isaac calls his blue blankie now. I tried to open the door, but something behind it prevented me from doing so. It was him. Isaac. I pushed it open just enough to squeeze in and put him back in bed. At least we'll get a bit of a nap today.

As an aside, Anders has also been taking a nap for the last couple hours and did the same thing yesterday. Yay for at least one nicely napping boy!

Showing Update

The showing went very well! The buyers, a young couple, brought their parents! And their parents liked it! eeeeeeeee!

I babysat this morning and cleaned aaaaaallllllll afternoon, and as of 15 minutes ago the boys are both asleep. I had a glass of wine and three oreos and now I'm finally going to shower. A long, hot shower peppered with petitions to God.

And then I'm going to pick out some houses I want to see in person.

6:00 tonight!

After 10 months on the market, someone wants to see our condo a second time. I'm giddy with excitement, bursting with hope, and churning with nervousness. Pray for us!

Boys Will Be Boys

I've got SO MUCH to post about! Here's a few pictures from the last few weeks, just to whet your appetite for more Spike and Thor updates to come.
For some reason Isaac calls corn on the cob "tan cubby." It took us awhile to figure that one out!

I took this picture after being summoned from the kitchen to the living room with a "Momma, I'm stuck!"

This last picture is Isaac pointing to his first scraped knee after a wipe out in the park. I'm sure there'll be many more where that came from!

The Terrible Trifecta

1. He's teething.
2. He's jealous.
3. He's two.

And so the world seems to be a terrible place for our little Spike these days. During a recent crying-jag (due to a drop of a hat, or something similar), I peeked in Isaac's wide-open mouth and saw four jagged, white peaks cutting through red, swollen flesh. Ouch. That can't be helping my boy's mood much.

We also recently SUCCESSFULLY (Hallelujah!) transitioned Isaac to a toddler bed! What this transition means, though, is that Little Brother is suddenly taking over Spike's old crib. While Jealousy has not reared its ugly, green-eyed head in Spike's behavior toward his brother (thank goodness), it has come out in other related ways. Any time Anders gets attention, Isaac does a song and dance to get it back on him. For example....

When Anders laughs and we say, "Aww, are you laughing?" Isaac chimes in with a boisterous, "HA HA! HA HA!"

When Anders cries, Isaac makes as much noise as possible, usually via high-pitched screams.

Isaac lays down on the floor, acts like a baby (which usually entails whimpering and kicking his feet), and says, "Momma wanna pick you up?"

He's also crying at the slightest disappointment and acting like a total wild man around other kids. I actually sent my friend and her two kids home early last week because Isaac was being so bad while they were here. I was beyond embarrassed when he threw his cup and it bounced off his little friend's head into the mom's face.

It's hard being a two year old. It's harder being two year old's momma. Isaac can be so sweet but he can also get into moods where nothing we do can make him behave.

I'm trying to be proactive: I give him lots of positive encouragement for good behavior, engage him in things he's good at and enjoys, provide ways for him to interact with Anders that are helpful and gentle, shower him with Momma love and affection, give him room to make "big boy" decisions rather than dictating everything he does, etc. Those things make an observable difference, but they take time, perspective, motivation, positivity, and energy that I don't always have.

The hardest part about this stage is where other people are involved. I want other people to think I'm a good mom, and I want them to think Isaac is a good kid, but more importantly, I want Isaac to be a good kid with others! Nobody wants to pick up her son from the church nursery to reports of him having trouble sharing or hitting other kids.

Being a stay-at-home-mom, Isaac is my job. If he's not doing well, it's difficult to feel like I'm doing a good job. I feel very much like he is a reflection of me, a product of my work, but as I was reminded this morning in a very encouraging moms' group, Isaac is a person, an individual, and I cannot control him with the "right" parenting. All I can do is respond to who he is and try to guide him toward kinder behavior.

And in the meantime...pray, pray, and pray.

Catching my Breath

Whew. We just got back from a busy, fun five days in Michigan and I'm beat. I feel behind in the job search, the home improvements, and especially on keeping in touch with my friends and family.

Some peeps have called and emailed to say, "Where are you?" so I just wanted to post to say, "I'm here!" and that I'll call, email, and post as soon as I catch my breath.

Isaac at 2 Years

Fresh Air

Yes, we do have real live nature in Chicago. Okay, so it has to be fenced in and maintained by dedicated Park District employees, but it's nature nonetheless.

Saturday morning we took a very slow "hike" through the Nature Preserve a couple of miles from our home.plotting our course

leading the way

watching waterbugs skim across the surface

We saw a momma raccoon and her four babies and watched them for a long time. The video is actually pretty cool, take a look.

Spike also had fun climbing an old tree stump, until some other kids came running up and wanted to climb too. Here he is pictured hollering at them, "No climb Izey's tree!"

Anders slept in the Baby Bjorn half of the hike. When he woke up, we found a bench where I could nurse him, and then he faced forward in the Bjorn so he could take in the sights, too. Here's Ando conked out after a day full of fresh air.