Push Back

Our good friend Jake off-handedly commented awhile back that both Zach and I are stubborn.  I hadn't actually ever thought of myself as stubborn, but when Jake said that, I had to ask myself, "Am I?"  If you know me, you're probably laughing right now because the answer is a resounding, "Uh, yeah!" 

Neither Zach nor I have very...laid back personalities. We're both achievers, with strong opinions and intense feelings.  As you can imagine, this combination doesn't make for a particularly peaceful marriage. We fight. I know, you're shocked, right?  But as difficult as our clashing hard-headedness can sometimes be, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sure, I sometimes fantasize about having a husband who would say, "How high?" when I asked him to jump, or who would acquiesce to my every weekend whim, and I know plenty of men who go with their wives' flow.  But when I am really honest with myself, I know that I have much more respect for my man who has his own interests, feelings, and opinions, even, and maybe especially, when they're different than mine.  I may not have a peaceful marriage, but I do have one that is interesting, respectful, and challenging.  Zach is intelligent and wise, thoughtful and prudent, and unyielding in his integrity. 

I also know that I am no cup of tea to live with.  I'm moody and demanding; I have ridiculous notions about what can be accomplished in a day and therefore also crazy high expectations of....well, life.  I take on way too much in an hour, a day, a week, a month... and I need someone to tell me not to and that I'm okay when reality doesn't meet my fantasy.  Zach is my rock; and as much as I balk when he makes me slow down and think reasonably, if I didn't have him, I'd be a hot mess of started-but-not-finished projects, and appointments not kept because I over-committed myself, and insecurities never conquered because I just wallowed in them. 

Zach is sometimes wrong, but after nine years of marriage, I've made an important discovery: sometimes I am wrong too!  And if I never had anyone to push back against my stubbornness, I actually think I would be grossly oblivious to my fallibility.