More than a Mom Saturday

This is kind of a continuation of yesterday's post, so you might want to read that one first.

This past Saturday Zach was on solo childcare duty while I put some work-from-home hours in.  Now, for a little context, I just have to say that my hubby is a great parent, and that we (theoretically, at least) have an egalitarian relationship.  I believe that he is just as capable at taking care of our kids as I am.  I may have more practice and therefore know what foods Anders refuses to eat and how to get Isaac to cooperate when I'm trying to get him dressed, but that is simply because I do it more often and not because I am somehow better equipped as a woman to do those things.  There are certain things about Zach's personality that make taking care of the boys difficult for him, but I also have things about my personality that make it difficult for me. 

That said, it kind of pisses me off when people make comments about dads' inadequacy with their own children.  The media is the worst.  I bet you can think of several commercials, TV shows, and at least one movie that makes dads look like a complete moron when it comes to getting a meal on the table or the kids' homework done.  And because the media sets the bar so low for men, we (and they themselves) think they're good dads if they change a diaper once in awhile.

I think one thing that makes women "better" at childcare is the general expectations of them by society.  People expect women to be good parents and condemn us if we're not.  So if we're faced with a tough situation, we simply have to figure it out.  Men have no such expectations.  If they're not great at comforting the toddler when his sandwich is cut the wrong way, they don't have that societal pressure telling them, "You better figure out what to do here; this is your job!"  They can throw their hands up and call Mom in to solve the situation. 

If men are smart enough to be software engineers, pastors, anesthesiologists, architects, etc, can't they figure out how to follow a recipe or teach a toddler to sing his ABC's? 

I do think that I was better at childcare during the boys' baby years (after all, my boobs produce enough milk to sustain a life for an entire year!), but especially now that they're beyond that, Zach is amazing with them.  On Saturday he took them to the library (where he had reserved books recommended by Isaac's preschool teacher), to the doctor's office, and to the grocery store.  Then we all had lunch together, he put them down for their naps, and when they woke up, he played with them at home.

Something occurred to me after I had put in a solid 6 hours of work on Saturday.  I did not feel one ounce of guilt.  I did not feel rushed, pulled in two directions at once, or worried.  Instead, I felt happy that my boys got to spend time with their dad, who is an amazing influence on them, who is as invested as I am in their upbringing, who wants them to be loving, who wants them to know God, who wants them to be smart, who wants them to be healthy, who wants for them all the same things I want for them.

And here's the other part of this realization, the real kicker -- Zach gets to go to work every day with that feeling.  No guilt.  No worry.  No pull.  Because he knows that the boys are being taken care of by someone who loves them as much as he does and who is as invested in them as he is.  He has never had to drop them off with the sitter or scramble to find one when the usual person is sick. 

There are a lot of rhetorical roads I could take after that observation, but I'm just going to stick with what it means for us: This man is so lucky to have me.  :)  He knows it, but I still like to remind him sometimes. 

Last Saturday, Zach had a good day.  I had a good day.  The boys had a good day.  I didn't have to give a big chunk of my salary to a babysitter.  I asked Zach if he'd be willing to do that once or twice a month and he said yeah.  So I found at least one way that I feel REALLY good about that I can get my hours in. 

Life has changed a lot for both of us since Zach and I became parents, but he will concede that I have sacrificed/changed a lot more.  I am so grateful that he's willing to sacrifice/change his Saturdays so that I can do my "more than a mom" stuff with the same peace that he has when he's "more than a dad."