Identity

Over Christmas break I ran into a friend that I haven't spoken to since she graduated from high school in 1998. (Meg, Dre, and Sa--it was Kathryn W [don't want to put her last name on the blog, but she was in choir with us and Sa dated her brother!] She is a missionary working at an orphanage in El Salvador [I think...it was somewhere in South America] and she's been there for a number of years now. She even has an accent! It was cool to see her. Anyway...) She asked me something like "What's new?" and I laughed because I haven't seen her in 10 years and so much has happened. I said, "Well, I'm married and I have a baby..." Then she asked all the standard questions like his name and how old he is, etc. She asked how long I've been married and I thought it was kind of funny because I've been married for 5 1/2 years, so it's not like it's new news or anything.

When I told Zach that I had run into her and about our conversation he said, "Did you tell her that you're a teacher?" and I said, "No, I guess I didn't mention it." He laughed and said, "You're funny." I asked why and he said, "Before you had Isaac you were so insistent that you're a teacher taking some time off to stay home with the baby, not a stay-at-home mom. Now you run into someone from high school and you just say you're staying home with the baby." Hmmm. Interesting. He's right.

I do still consider myself a teacher--especially since I'm in grad school and still researching and learning about education all the time. I still refer to my former students as "my kids" and show my teacher ID to get discounts to museums and stuff. But then I go and forget to mention such a big part of my life to this person from my past.

My new role as Isaac's momma is a pretty significant one. It's one that's changing my whole identity. If you had told me that this would happen before I became a mom, something inside of me would have bucked against the idea, but now I get it.

The other day I bought some sippy cups for Isaac. At the grocery store, I got some cereal puffs and teething biscuits for him. As I was shopping and then later putting them in the cupboard, I thought about this family of three that I used to babysit. They had lots of little plastic dishes in their cupboards and kiddie food--little yogurts, cheesesticks, and whatnot--in their fridge. It was another one of those "holy crap, I'm a mommy forever" moments. It hit me that keeping these things in my fridge is not a phase--I have to keep them FROM NOW ON. (Are you starting to think, 'Kate needs someone to hit her over the head and say "Yes you really are a mom now and forever more, get used to it"'?) I told Zach later that I can't believe we're the kind of people with little plastic dishes in our cupboard. "I mean, people who meet us now," I said, "will think of us as people with plastic dishes in our cupboard. And they won't even know that I was this whole person with no plastic dishes for a long time before Isaac was born!"

Karen (mom-in-law) tells a story of when it suddenly hit her that she was a momma. She was picking Zach up from the nursery at church and someone said, "Zach's mom is here!" Now David (dad-in-law) always calls me "Isaac's Mom," as in "And how is Isaac's Mom?" I love it.

I (usually) like how being a mom makes me feel. There have been days that we put Isaac to bed and I feel like I have to strip down and soak all the drool off in a hot bath in order to be a woman again, but usually I relish the role. I feel gentle and nurturing, very loved and important. Usually, I feel like I'm good at it.

Someone commented on the blog once that God made me the perfect mom for Isaac and Isaac the perfect son for me. I thought that was a wise reflection and one that's good to remember when I'm doubting myself.

I'm definitely still a teacher, and I know that God will one day call me to be back in the classroom, but for now I'm happy to call myself Isaac's Mom.