Mother of Two Complex

First trimester...check!

I'm now 15 weeks along, which puts me into my second trimester. I'm still taking Zofran, my anti-nausea drugs, but I think I'm starting to feel better. Maybe. Not well enough that I'm going to stop drugging myself anytime soon to find out, though.

I think I actually am having a harder time wrapping my head around the idea that I am really pregnant with this baby than I did with Spike, which is weird. I keep actually forgetting that I'm pregnant. I reach for a beer, and then think, "Dang it!" Or I look at my belly and start to think "I should really do some sit ups...oh wait..." Seriously. How do you forget a thing like this?

Thor(a) is now, according to my weekly updates from babycenter.com, about the size of a 2.5 ounce apple. :) And the coolest thing--I can feel my little apple moving around. Little pops and flutters. It's awesome. And those movements help me to remember that there's a real, new little person growing in me.

I have to admit that I am a little bit overwhelmed by the thought of having another baby. Every time I imagine life with Izey and Thor, I picture the little one strapped to me in a Baby Bjorn carrier or sling. I think for this child's entire first year he/she will be connected to me. How else will I do anything/protect him/her from Izey the Great?

In addition to feeling like life is about to get crazier, I have this new yucky feeling I'm calling my "mother of two complex." This crisis is unrelated to how hectic/scary raising two kids is going to be and more of a personal identity concern. Based on several comments from other moms of one and recent moms of two I know, I have determined that I am not alone in my feelings.

Basically the feeling is that when you have one baby, you're still a young, fun, cool couple who happen to have a cute little baby. When you have your second child, you become an old, boring, family. It's strange because I don't really know any mothers of two who I think are old and boring. It's just me I have these feelings about. It's like once you have a second baby, there's no turning back. (Did I think there was a possibility of turning back after Isaac was born? Hey, I never said my feelings made sense.)

Thor's recent quickening, though, has calmed my "mother of two" freak out a little. He/she is already making him/herself known. Remember how I wasn't really looking forward to the toddler phase with Isaac? Well, what's getting me through is that it's not just any toddler whose tantrums, whining, and demands I'm subject to. It's my boy's tantrum, whining, and demands. :) Seriously, though, I love Isaac more than I knew I could, and although I can't imagine it yet, I know that this next little person will not just make me a mother of two, he/she will be another little person that we will desperately love, an addition to our family who will make us forget what life was like before he/she came along.

Also important is that I am still going to be me when Thor is born. Just because others may have a different impression of me when they hear that I have two children, that doesn't change what I love, what I'm good at, what I'm interested in, or even what I look like (well, hopefully not too much anyway).

So, to sum up: Thor=apple-sized, wiggly, and fully-loved. Kate=still Kate no matter how many kids she has. All good things.