The other day the topic of toddler TV watching came up among me and another mommy (I honestly can't remember who it was, so it might be one of you, blog readers!). The boys were playing with a book or toy that had Sesame Street characters on it, and I said, "Isaac probably doesn't even know who that is; I don't think he's ever seen Sesame Street." The other mom said, "Oh, have you been able to stick to the no TV thing so far?"
Now, having just finished a book called I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids, which was all about being honest with other moms, not allowing ourselves to judge and compare and feel guilty, I was quick to pick up on what might have been the underlying nuances of this conversation. Let's revisit the same dialogue, but this time uncover some of the feelings simple comments like this can stir up. Here it is from the other mom's possible perspective:
[Isaac plays with the Elmo toy.]
Kate: (thinks:) We are better because I don't allow my child to watch filth like Sesame Street. I read the Bible to my son instead. (says:) Isaac doesn't know who Elmo is.
Other Mom: (thinks:) I'm going to ask a question to show that I understand that there is an unspoken rule among mothers that kids should watch TV in a very limited amount, if any at all. I also hope that my comment conveys that I don't necessarily let my kid watch TV either. (says:) Have you been able to stick to the no TV thing so far?
Of course, I didn't actually intend to come across that way at all. In fact, as soon as the mom asked me the question, I thought, Oh, I hope she doesn't think I'm one of those snobby moms who judges people about their kids watching TV! In fact, I know a lot of moms whose kids have learned good stuff from PBS shows. What I said was, "I wish Isaac would watch TV! I'll turn it on once in a while, and he'll watch for a few minutes, but then he runs off playing again."
The truth is that there have been a few mornings when I end up alone in the living room, Isaac pushing his beloved mower around the condo, and I'm still watching the end of Clifford, the Big Red Dog, because, hey, I want to see whether Clifford wins the Dog of the Year for Ruff Magazine (he does, because he saved the judge's boat that was stuck in the fog and couldn't make it to the docks). This is good writing, people! Isaac clearly doesn't know what's good for him.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Toddler TV
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funny stuff Kate.
ReplyDeletemom
samil won't watch tv either... we tried a few times to get him to when he wasn't feeling well, but he just wouldn't get into it.
ReplyDeletei'm a snob about it though and am frequently telling people about how discovery kids is not preschool :) (maybe it's the different cultures)
I think that all moms are "snobs" about what they really feel they're doing well. If you're child watches TV and gets something valuable from it without turning into a zombie, you feel that you've made a good choice, and you want to say that. If your child doesn't get into TV but instead gets something good out of the alternatives, you want to say that too.
ReplyDeleteYou know that we were not a TV family when the boys were young, but when we finally caved and got one, I liked what they got from Mr. Rogers. I became a "snob" about it because I thought in that instance, my parental choices were having good results. When they became He-Man devotees, I was initially mortified but then tried to get back to "snob-land" by pointing out that each episode ended with a worthy moral.
The bottom line is that most of us moms want to do a good job and make choices that grow our kids to be better than we ourselves are. When we feel good about those choices and want to tell others, we allow ourselves a little self-righteousness. It serves to balance all those times when we're pretty sure we could do better or are outright screwing up!
As always, it's about patting ourselves on the back in such a way that we stay confident but don't threaten others. Ah, another tightrope for moms to walk.
I am a mom who lets Joshua watch TV, although he also loses interest quickly most days. I don't know if he is learning anything, but hey, sanity can be a good thing :)
ReplyDeleteOn the nose, Mama - the dialog is perfect and Kurt was all, "What?" as I cracked up.
ReplyDelete