If yesterday's post pissed you off, you might not want to read today's.

Liz pointed me to a great blog called The Mommy Revolution, written by two Christian moms who are published authors. On their "About the Revolution" page, under "We believe that..." I found two bullet points that struck me enough that I need to process through my thoughts on them here. They said:

• Motherhood is not as all-important as we think it is. We are one of the many factors that shape our children. We need to be the best moms we can be while recognizing that we are not the center of the universe.
• Life is not all about you, but it’s not all about your kids, either.

There have been several conflicting sources of "conventional wisdom" in my life since I became a mom, and I'm not quite sure what to do with them. One side says, "The early years of childhood are the most important formative years in our children's lives. What we do now affects them forever. How many words you read to them per day, what preschool they attend, and how many foreign languages you teach them to speak and instruments they learn to play before they are 6 months old will determine their IQ, the college they attend, the spouse the marry, their future employment opportunities, their prospects of becoming an Olympic athlete, their ability to sing on pitch, their body fat index, and whether or not they love Jesus when they are 45 years old." (That's a direct quote from YouBetterBeAGoodMomOrElse.com)

The other side, which I first encountered in my Child Psychology class, questions the gusto with which we Americans pour into our over-committed toddlers. Research presented by that professor suggests that these early years aren't so determinative as pop science has made them out to be. Then I took a literature class called Desperate Housewives (my most favorite class ever!) that questioned the same principle from a cultural standpoint. That professor was also a young mom who lived in my 'hood, and she once said something that stuck with me about how over-educated moms who drop out of life to raise their kiddos cling to "research" that justifies pouring all their drive, motivation, and education into their new job of motherhood. As if we've made motherhood a more important job than it actually is just to make ourselves feel okay about the fact that it is all we are doing right now.

Are you pissed yet? :)

When I sat in those classes, and now again as I read those bullet points from Mommy Revolution, I felt conflicted. I certainly think that this job of raising children is an important one, and I don't think any of the professors or writers would question that. Everyone knows it's important, but what I think is questionable is the amount of pressure we are putting on ourselves and our kids (and other moms) to do it perfectly.

Whenever Isaac is misbehaving in front of others, I get really embarrassed. I question everything I am doing as a mother. And then I call Liz. And Liz reminds me of a few things: 1. Isaac is sweet, smart, funny, loving, and wonderful. 2. Isaac is a 2.75 year old boy. 3. Isaac is a human being totally separate from me. Even if I were doing everything perfectly, which is impossible because I am a human, Isaac is not "programmable," nor would I even want him to perfectly behave all of the time because that is not normal, smart, curious behavior for a 2.75 year old. (Isn't Liz a great friend?)

At times like that, reading, "Motherhood is not as all-important as we think it is," comes as a relief. It takes some of the pressure off. And being told, "Isaac and Anders are not the center of the universe," and "You are not the center of the universe either," comes as a much needed reality check. It's easy as a SAHM for my world to shrink down to My Family and My Home. It's easy to pour (or think that I should be pouring) all of who I am into mothering. I mean, look at me, when I'm not actively doing it, I'm blogging about it!

I can think of lots of evidence about how parenting matters deeply, but I can also think of tons of examples of people who turned out totally differently than their parents intended or hoped, for better or worse. Case and point: I am a democrat. (*GASP* OH THE HORROR!)

So anyway, of course I'm going to keep feeling the pressure and of course I'm going to keep doing my best to raise loving, faithful, compassionate, smart, eloquent, musical, athletic, polite, handsome, stylish, artistic, creative, thoughtful, trilingual, poetic....people. :) But I'm also going to keep reminding myself that how they turn out is not entirely up to me. And with that knowledge I'll heave a sigh of relief and get on my knees to pray to the one Person who really does have control. And I'll pray that He makes Isaac and Anders loving, faithful, compassionate, smart, eloquent, musical, athletic, polite, handsome, stylish, artistic....