My Child is a Genius!

Spike is, once again, in a "testing phase." I liken his behavior to the raptors in Jurassic Park. For some reason this scene stuck in my head: the raptors had an electrified fence that they periodically tested to be sure it was still on. Even though they knew the consequence of testing the fence would be electrocution, every once in awhile they threw themselves against it, just to make sure the boundary was still there.

Isaac also periodically tests the boundaries. He knows the consequences, but he's just got to make sure the system is still in place and working. And let me tell you, I have a very difficult time maintaining the electrical fence of my discipline.

His current testing takes the form of purposely spilling drinks, shoving his friend Eva, and, on two occasions, smacking his parents in the face. He does these things with no emotions and makes sure we're watching to catch him in the act. It is sooooooo hard not to lash out at him, but I'm a firm believer that he is not going to learn by the severity of the punishment, but rather by consistent repetition of the same consequence over and over again.

We have chosen not to spank our kids, and I feel very strongly that this was the right decision for us. I read some older parenting book written by a women who suggests spanking as the best discipline tool. She told a story about how her two year old boy was a terror one day. She spanked him so many times that one of her older children said, "Mom, if you spank Johnny one more time, I'm going to cry." (And this was her example of spanking working well.)

When I read that, I thought, there are many days that my mood seriously effects both Isaac's behavior and how many times I give him a time out. If I am not being a purposeful and active parent, he can get into more trouble. And if I am already short with him or yelling at him, he will just push back against me and be more naughty. And sometimes my mood just means that I am too quick to punish him. So, with all of those statements being true, I'm really glad that if I do punish him more than I should on certain days, that punishment is too many TIME OUTS rather than too many spankings, or worse, spankings that are too severe. (On Mommy Revolution there is a great discussion about spanking that eloquently represents my feelings on the issue: click here.)

Anyway, as I looked into Isaac's eyes as he smacked my face, the whole raptor analogy occurred to me. He wasn't angry, he wasn't out of control, he just looked at me calmly and slapped my face. I gritted my teeth, put him down, and held both of his forearms. With my voice stern but (barely) controlled, I said, "Isaac, that hurt! You may not hit. We do not hit you because we love you and we don't want to hurt you. You have a time out now." He went to his room and served his time without a peep of protest. He knew the boundary was there, he knew the consequence for crossing it, but he did it anyway just to make sure nothing had changed.

When this testing gets realllllllly frustrating, I tell myself that he's begging for boundaries and that he will be more secure if I just keep following through. Every frickin' time.

Yesterday I took Anders to his one year well child visit (more on Ando later) and I told the pediatrician about Isaac's behavior. She said, "Yup, Isaac is smart, and the smarter they are, the more they test you." And to that I replied, "Isaac is a genius!" I don't know if that's just something that people say to make me feel better about having a fiesty kid, but I'll take it. So there, all you smug parents of complacent children, you should be the ones who are worried. ;)