My Own Temper Tantrum

Yesterday afternoon I threw myself a little bit of a temper tantrum.  Like a stun the boys to silence for 20 seconds temper tantrum.  Here's how it all went down. 

It was one of those days again.  A few tidbits to exemplify my day:

During lunch, I gave Anders a cheese stick and went inside to grab an apple.  When I came back, Anders had shoved much of the cheese in his mouth and was gagging.  As I walked toward him to fish it out, he puked all over himself, the table, etc. 

Pretty much every time I went to the bathroom, Anders got squished by his big brother laying on top of him -- Isaac's favorite way of getting negative attention lately.  I think Isaac ended up with a grand total of eight time outs yesterday. 

At one point I was feeling motivated and encouraging, and I tried to have some intentional letter writing time with Isaac.  All attempts to show him how to hold a pencil correctly or how to write his letters were met with whiney defiance.  The frustrating thing is that he wants to know how to write his letters, he just doesn't want me to show him.  (This is one of many reasons I have no interest in homeschooling.) 

I had bought Isaac a box of flashcards, which he found while I was changing Anders's diaper.  He tore open the box, brought the stack in Anders's room, and threw them up in the air.  Then he went back to the living room, dumped out all his blocks, declared, "I made a mess!" and refused to clean them up.  "There's too many!"  

Anders was in on the plot to frustrate Momma all day, too.  He followed me around, crying to be held and unwilling to be entertained by anything for longer than two minutes.  He's also developed this amazing ability to cry as if someone just kicked him if he doesn't get what he wants. 

Isaac did not nap, even though he had been yawning throughout the pre-nap reading time, and did not contentedly read books in his room like he often does.  Instead he screamed and cried at the top of his lungs from his door.  I was in the shower at the time, but I could hear him.  The following thoughts actually went through my head: "Oh my gosh, is that Isaac?  Yup, it sure is.  I hope he's not hurt or something.  Well, if it were life threatening, he probably wouldn't be able to scream so loudly.  I'm going to finish shaving my armpits."  (Should I feel guilty?)

After the non-nap, the shit really hit the fan.  The boys were fighting over some blocks.  I had made a helicopter for Isaac, which he didn't want to play with but didn't want Anders to play with either, of course.  Sick of their whining and fighting, I finally said we had to put the blocks away.  I told Isaac he could put his helicopter up high so Anders couldn't reach it.  As we were cleaning up the blocks, Anders was whining and grabbing them out of the bin and Isaac, also whining, was trying to negotiate about who should put the helicopter up...blah, blah, blah.  My vision was turning deeper and deeper shades of red.  Finally I exploded. 

I screamed.  I threw a book down.  And then I sat with my head in my hands. 

The boys' whines and demands fell silent.  For a moment. 

Then Isaac cautiously asked, "What was that, Momma?"

"I'm really frustrated," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

Because I have to stay home all day with two tiny people who are moodier than I am and who demand more than I have to give today, Isaac.

"Because you are not listening and you two keep fighting over these toys, Isaac."

"Oh."

"Let's watch a show."

Thank you, God, for Diego. 

The rest of the day was more of the same.  The boys were in bed by 6:45 last night.  I read a book, watched mind-numbing TV while eating chocolate and drinking wine, and at 9:00, finally cried my eyes out to Zach.  I am so grateful to have a supportive husband who thinks I'm a great mom even when I say, "I don't like this job." 


Today I feel more well-rested.  Zach is working from home and has come to my rescue when I need an extra measure of patience or an extra set of hands.  Isaac is not napping, but he's in his room singing rather than crying today. 



I know someday I'm gonna miss these preschool days, but for the moment, I am sick of them!