The Simple Life

Recent conversations with a couple of other moms as well as the changing weather and the school year starting have led me to reflect on how life has changed since having our little Spike.

It all started when I was pregnant, especially in my last trimester. I remember feeling like my body was not my own. I just couldn't get it to do the things I wanted it to do. Like bend. Zach was tying my shoes for me and sometimes helping me in and out of the car. Anytime I would drop something I would just sigh and leave it there. Zach would come to my rescue by picking it up for me. When I would go for walks in the park, I would see non-pregnant people running by me and angrily mutter under my breath, "Show off."

I had changed mentally, too. School and teaching used to totally consume me. But in that last trimester, I would come home at night and forget all about my students. On the weekends, I no longer spent much time planning or worrying about the week ahead. Instead, I planned and worried about my quickly approaching new role as a mother.

Everyone had told us that our lives were about to totally change, but you just cannot understand that until you have a baby. Life before Spike was busy. I was in grad school and had a leadership position at the school where I was teaching. We were also pretty involved at church and in a small group. I knew life would change once our little guy was born, but I was ready for a drastic change. I knew it would still be busy, but just a very different kind of busy. I looked forward to it for the most part.

When Isaac was born, we feel in love with him fast and hard. I remember telling a friend of mine who had been thinking about having a baby, "Everyone should have one of these!" I had a hard recovery, but taking care of our new baby boy consumed us. Taking care of him was so instinctual. I just did what my instincts told me to do: feed, comfort, protect this tiny little dependent. That "honeymoon phase" ended, though. My parents went home, the flowers I got in hospital faded, the exhaustion caught up with me, and Isaac started crying more.

One night when Isaac was maybe 4 or 5 weeks old, Zach and I sat across from each other as I nursed the baby and finally expressed how frustrated we both felt. I remember saying, "This just isn't fun." It wasn't what we expected. Like my pregnant body was not my own, now my life was not my own. We loved our baby like crazy, but this new life style was running us ragged. Isaac wasn't colicky, but he did have a "fussy time" when he needed to be constantly held, rocked, bounced, or shushed. It lasted late into the night, and Zach and I would just tag-team it until he finally fell asleep. I remember going to bed at night feeling depressed because I knew I would only be asleep for about an hour and a half before I'd have to get up again. I wanted to call my friend and say, "I changed my mind--you should make sure you are REALLY READY before you have one of these!"

I think it was only a few days later that Isaac smiled for the first time. At about 6 weeks, things turned drastically around. Isaac was more responsive, started sleeping at more reasonable times and for longer, cried less, and suddenly parenthood became more than I hoped it would be.

Since then it's steadily gotten more and more fun. There are difficult times--Isaac has been giving us a run for our money at bed time this week--but both Zach and I agree that parenthood suits us. There are sacrifices for sure. I wanted so badly to be a flexible, bring your baby everywhere kind of mom, but that just does not work for me. I try to be home during naps and at bedtime, and that is a large chunk of time! A couple of months ago, I was super frustrated because Isaac used to only stay awake for about an hour before he needed his next naps. He was taking 5 one hour naps per day! He used to wake up crying and need to be fed immediately. I'd have to stop whatever I was doing every 2 hours to feed him. When was I supposed to do anything? But that phase, too, is coming to an end. He now stays awake for 2 hours at a time and I feel like I'm getting my life back. He rarely cries during naptime and wakes up smiling.

Today we had such a simple, relaxing day. It is such a different pace than life before baby. We played on my bed for a long time this morning. I tickled his belly and he examined my face with his slobbery hands. After his first nap we went to the DMV to register our *new car* (pictures coming soon!) and got back in time for nap #2. When he got up, I decided we needed to take in the fall air, so we went to a cool little park by us. I propped him in a swing with a big blanket and he thought it was pretty great. He watched the big kids play and was fascinated by the ducks in the pond. Now he's taking nap #3 while I'm writing this super long post. Soon I'll make dinner and then daddy will be home. We'll eat and then go back to the park to show daddy how Izey likes the swing. Then it's tubby time and early to bed for the little one. Only then, in those precious couple hours before our bed time, will Zach and I do the things we used to do before baby.

So life is completely different. It's less spontaneous and much less flexible. But it's also more fulfilling than I ever thought it would be. Mostly life with Isaac is smaller, slower, simpler, and ever so much sweeter.