In this post, I mentioned (in what I thought was a very delicate way) my "cycles." In case you're a boy who had no sisters, whose mom wasn't a nurse in the labor and delivery unit, and who is not married, I was referring to my period! (*gasp* did she just say that? eww!) One such boy that I'm great friends with told me that was too much information, and I had to laugh. Oh, boy. You ain't seen nothing yet.
Ladies, help me out here. Having a baby does some crazy, crazy sh*t to your body. And don't get me wrong, it's worth it. It goes without saying that it's worth it. Nevertheless, all that we go through to produce the next generation earns us the right to a little bit of sympathy.
I write the following list for several purposes: a) it's therapeutic, b) those without kids can get a bit of an education, and c) I get to write about gross pregnancy symptoms without admitting which ones I have and which ones I do not. If you're interested in the details, I'm happy to share on a one-to-one basis. I just don't want to scare anyone.
So here is a list of all the pregnancy symptoms I have either experienced myself or heard about from commiserating mommas. Let me know if I missed anything, girls.
- puking
- nausea
- fatigue
- bloating
- cravings
- gasiness
- itchy skin
- insomnia
- heart burn
- sore breasts
- constipation
- stretch marks
- growing feet
- hemorrhoids
- varicose veins
- clearer skin
- acne prone skin
- dark splotches on skin
- having to pee more often
- aversions to certain foods
- braxton hicks contractions
- water retention and swelling
- increased sensitivity to odors
- more or less body hair than usual
- increased proneness to carpal tunnel
- linea negra--a dark line from belly button down
- a small person pounding on your internal organs
- thicker hair (the hair on your head doesn't fall out)
- moodiness--either in the form of tears or bitchiness
- loose joints leading to being clumsy and injury prone
- change in texture of hair (from straight to curly, for example)
- round ligament pain (feels like cramps or sharp abdomen pains)
- pelvic bones separate in the weeks leading to birth, which can hurt
- inability to bend over, resulting in hairy legs, a messy house, and untied shoes
it's true about the noses. it happens to dominican women, but they say it only happens if you're having a boy. (don't know if that's true)
ReplyDeletealright - you've seal the deal. i'm never having kids
ReplyDeleteI'm with Carrie.... I was actually considering someday- brief blink of an eye now.. :) What happens if women have those symptoms all the time and just don't talk about it... that would suck. :) Sa
ReplyDeleteYou have successfully reminded me about every reason why I hate my entire pregnancy. Definitely for forever to want to do that to myself again.
ReplyDeleteOKay, now give the girls the rest of the story, the positive parts of the just months-long pregnancy that are positive, resulting in a lifetime of loving.
ReplyDeletethat's what the REST of my blog is about!
ReplyDeleteOh Vey, this list reminds me why although we want more kiddos I am not eager to get knocked up anytime soon :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and I wanted to add that a "friend" of mine toward the end of her pregnancy had farts so nasty they could kill a small horse....of course that is just what I heard....